Ever wondered what the people serving you in designer shops are REALLY thinking? Here’s a little shop talk translation guide:
Hello = I’m only saying this to be polite so you will spend lots of money.
Is there anything I can help you with? = Please leave! You’re polluting the store with your common airs!
Can I get you any other sizes? = Jeez….You might wanna try a bigger size!
It’s such a versatile piece = You can try and wear it any way you want but there’s no chance in hell it’s ever gonna look good on you
This is a very unusual piece, we only got a few in = We don’t even know how the f*** to wear it.
It looks so flattering on you = If flattering means making your thighs looks incredibly fat.
How does it feel? = It looks so bad on you, I can’t even bring myself to lie to your face.
You simply must buy it! = Come on, hand over your plastic and let me have my sales commission!
I will just go into the stockroom and check for you = I am now going to go and bitch about you.
So what is it you do? = I did a degree in fashion marketing and it has got me nowhere except this suck-ass job so if you work in something related to fashion, I am so making friends with you.
We will call you to let you know if it comes in = You ain’t ever gonna hear from us
Let me have your number so that I can call you when it comes in. Here’s my business card as well = You work at Vogue House, I will now stalk you.
(Pics from UK Vogue May 2006, Aricle idea taken from RAG fashion tabloid)