I knew I was being too cocky for my own damn good. I knew it the minute I spoke of it. When I brashly decided that I would just plonk down an order for those Dior Homme black coated jeans, I chickened out. I regathered my thoughts. I calmed down my rage. I rationalised and stalked into Selfridges today with the intention of finding out whether those jeans were meant to be.
La-di-da…off I toodled off to the Dior Homme section and grabbed those jeans in a 28 waist (the only size they had left). Still feeling a little cocky, the sales lady didn’t bat an eyelid as she showed me to the changing room. Many a lithe girl must have slipped in with their DH jeans. Got them off the hangers, unbuttoned the flies, got them up the calves and thighs and BOOM! They hit a barrier. The barrier being my arse. Or Mount Everest as it shall now be known from this point onwards.
If I wore boxers and was some sort of ghetto hip hop dancer, sure I could button them up and have them hanging down half way down my arse. The problem wasn’t the legs. The problem wasn’t the waist. The problem was that damn flat arse cut. I calmly took them off, handed them back to the sales lady and left Dior Homme. Or the realm of the skinny arse as it shall now be known from this point onwards.
I lamented, panicked, went into utter Marian Keyes-esque chick lit mode. ‘Does my bum look big?’ I cried to my boyf. I pulled out with every ridiculous girly wailing stunt there was. To all this, the boyf simply said ‘You don’t have a big arse. You have an arse. You are trying to fit into boys clothes. Boys clothes with no arses.’ I have better things to do than to blog about my arse and you have better things to do than to sit here and read about it. I shall simply say up to this point in my life, I never gave it serious thought. It’s not big nor is it by no means small (especially when compared to my flatter arsed friends from Hong Kong).
So withholding that derriere discussion, the real quandry is what to do? Give up and live in leggings? Give into those metallic jeans from Topshop where I know I’m an 8-10? Try agan and resort to getting larger sizes (I know it sounds silly but the thought of getting 30+ sizes fills me with dread….we are talking about MENS jeans after all…)? To the cool French girls who muse about Dior Homme jeans being the absolute best thing in the world, how do you do it?
Did you try jumping up and down whilst trying to pull them on? If you could get them on once they might loosen up a bit?! And no your bum does not look big!
Well, you don’t have to go Topshop.
Maybe u can try “Rich & Skinny”. Horrible brand name i know but the jeans look great. 🙂 Unfortunately if u want a pair of jeans that will give u a bum, it wont have that wet look or silvery thing u are looking for, you can try Siwy. Its amazing. 🙂
http://www.revolveclothing.com/DisplayProduct.jsp?product=RICH-WJ55
Rich & Skinny wet look grey jeans
http://www.revolveclothing.com/DisplayProduct.jsp?product=SIWY-WJ35
regular but give u a butt siwy jeans.
I dont think its difficult to find a pair. There are so many jean brands out there today.
Black itself is a slimming colour so definitely makes ur arse look smaller instantly.
good luck susie x
Grr. This is the exact reason I seldom wear jeans! I don’t have a fat ass, but tight skinny jeans suggest otherwise!
Ha, this post made me laugh.
Okay, that came out wrong…but in a good way! I could just identify with your description so much-that gutting moment of standing completely still and quiet in a changing room, with a pair of trousers wedged around (thighs/arse) and feeling a serious sense of disappointment.
Well, you could always rebrand yourself as the muse of Kris Van Assche. Especially now that with a new designer, surely it’s over for Pete as a muse. Although, this is where it gets a little complicated, because are these jeans actually a Hedi design?
..If I don’t make sense it’s because I have square eyes and am quite possibly hallucinating after and afternoon and night of blogging.
S xx
Whoaa, long.
Yes, I am hallucinating, as I missed the entire point, because of course as the muse, you could have them tailor made blah blah.
Right. Off to bed then.
S xx
Don’t you just love the satisfaction that comes with saying ‘arse’.
It’s American counterpart, ‘ass’ is seriously underwhelming.
Rach: No… I feared that my Mount Everest would bring the whole department store down so no jumping up and down…
Cordelia: The point is that I don’t really want girly shaped jeans…hence the DH jeans challenge. I do want that metallic sheen so thanks for the suggestions.
I’m really not up for a mahussive jeans hunt though…. it literally makes me want to cry.
Emily: I may just resort to potato sacks…
Stevie: If I made you laugh that certainly is a plus… because quite frankly, I wasn’t far from tears.
I think the jeans are just a generic DH design that probably won’t budge despite Kris Van Assche’s appointment. Don’t blog too hard!
Cillian: Arse is indeed satisfying… ass just doesn’t do it for me…
Ah yes. I know that feeling. The first ever time I bought Sass & Bide I took 25’s into the changing room since I am ALWAYS a 25 in jeans, but to my horror I couldn’t even get them near my backside! The next size they had left was a 27, so I took it forlornly into the changing room and was horrified when I found out they FITTED! I bought them but came out wondering where and how the hell I’d gained 2 sizes. When I brought them home I found slight comfort in the fact the shop had put the wrong size on the price label and they were actually a 26, but still, I had gained an inch! I didn’t buy another pair for a whole year after that!
jeans shopping is just depressing full stop- as soon as i decide i want a pair of jeans whatever style i have set my heart on goes out of fashion. boo hoo hoo.
p.s. arse of any size is better than a flat arse ANY day… on a woman at least.
DJM: This is what gripes me! I’m a 26 in Sass & Bide, Miss Sixty and all of that girly garb which I have zero interest in but at Dior Homme (if we take into account that men are supposedly bigger), my arse is Mount Everest…. lovely…
I have a…round bottom. It’s not super large, just very…round. I find that Nudies work really well for me. And believe me, if I can fit into them, then you can definitely fit into them. Although you may have to go up a size or two from your usual. It takes a bit of wiggling to get into them, but once in they do stretch a little. They’re also a mens jean. Not sure if they have a wet look finish out, but you could google it – I’m too lazy to do it right now.
I have exactly the same problem!
Was talking to someone I admired who adores jeans – and I had to confess to not knowing much about jeans because — I dont think i have quite the right stature (Im actually tall – just not skinny) – and my weight fluctuates due to the remnants of disordered eating. So Im hardly game, confident enough to pull them off.. and I have a genetically – NOT-Flat bum…
there you go – just admitted some of my pettiest but still deepest worries.. but it was noisy and i couldnt think … and had no other reason for not trying on some of the beautiful jeans -on the market – now… ~~cringe…. >_< cheap mondays, nudies, Gstar, Dior HOmme.. just something I can slip on that will go with everything... . xo
It’s good to have a bum! Better a bum than none at all!
just try on more jeans from different brands. this seems so obvious if you weren’t stuck on having denim from a particular label. so you didn’t fit into that size. no need to get pouty. i work at a clothing store who’s sizes for women run notoriously at least a size smaller than most places and there’s nothing more annoying than women bitching about that and not getting what looks good on them and fits well. they sometimes won’t even try a bigger size on and end up walking out with nothing or buying something that is obviously too small. i love your weblog and i think you have great taste. i probably shouldn’t say anything at all since i don’t have one and therefore who am i to complain..but CMON!!!!!!
with all that said; i have a huge butt (especially compared to my waist) and i have had good results wth j-brand and i recently got a pair of cheap mondays which despite the cheesy name and cult following are decent, inexpensive jeans. just make sure to take a seam ripper to the hideous cloth label on the back pocket. also, someone above said nudie jeans which i don’t have any personal experience with but my ex wore them and had a round butt and they looked great on him. he also had a wash that was somewhat slick.
good luck!
I guess Nudies do have a wash that looks slick and coated…
http://lark-blogvancouver.blogspot.com/2007/08/nudies-on-men-and-women.html
I think all jeans hate my arse… Some of us are just not meant for jeans, no matter the style or cut.
Sass and Bide higher waisted jeans are quite
good, much better than their hipster ones,
there not super super high, so you dont get a
fuppy or a mum bum. jeans are the worst!
Dior Homme is totally evil!!!!
i wish i can fit in all those nice boy’s clothes!!!! without curves on the proper place, i curse myself with such an awful figure =_=”
Am I the only person that thinks your arse doesn’t look that horrible in those jeans? Maybe it’s just the suburban american girl in me talking, but I thought they looked kind of cute from behind.
Unfortunately… in Europe and in Asia…. the arse you speak of Aja does indeed point to Mount Everest proportions…
Stylefinder…mine is rather rotund too… will look into Nudies though
Marie: I feel your pain… like I said, potato sacks look like a good option.
Andrea: The point is, this is the end of the road. I have tried on A LOT of jean brands in a plethora of sizes. The DH jeans challenge was to mark the end of the denim hunt, by ending with a real toughie, if that makes any sense at all. It’s me literally holding up my hands and saying ‘Stop! I cannot go to another denim bar/shop/area….’
Holly: Curves are great for all sorts of things… just not DH jeans sadly… but I’ll look on the bright side and say yay to all those other things we can wear…
Toveb: I think I am one of those ppl too…
EJ & CW: You echo what the boyf says…. but hey this is a personal vanity thing…
As much as I love your blog, it sort of disturbs me that you think of your ass as big. Honestly, if you wear a size 26 jeans in womenswear, your ass can’t possible be big. Your boyfriend is right you know, women are simply made to have more arse than men. Personally, I wear a size 28, and I think my bum looks pefectly fine in my favourite skinnies, thank you very much.
Elise: This is the thing… I never thought it WAS big! Until this…. it’s silly how things like this give you a complex but it does… like I said, it’s a momentary panic attack that I’m trying to resolve now…. probably by avoiding jeans altogether….
Oh good lord. If you had the body of a boy, then I doubt your boyfriend would be very happy.
Girls are meant to have curves etc. So what if you’re not wearing the same jeans as some coke addict from Paris. That’s more money to spend on something interesting that nobody else is wearing.
Belive me, having no ass is just as bad, I simply have the problem the other way round. If jeans fit me on the thighs and hips, they’re for sure too big on my ass. Well, maybe I should condider men’s jeans;)
I think they actually look fine in the picture!
Aiyaiyai..
What on earth are you talking about..? Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only – it can ALSO exist in a pair of jeans with an ass!
p.s. not a bad ass at all lol
I have all but given up on jeans. None fit my criteria of
a) being black enough
and
b) staying up enough
I’m too skinny for skinny jeans. They fall half way down my joke of an arse when I start walking! I have to wear a BELT! With skinny jeans! WTF?!? You have an excellent arse, Miss Bubble, so do not complain of it. I also would like to say that I agree with Cillian and wholeheartedly approve of the frequent use of “arse” in this post. It is one of my favourite words. And also “boyf” for “boyfriend”.
Have you tried Notify waxed jeans? They give a nice androgynous look a la Charlotte Gainsbourg. Also, as an added bonus, it is vanity sized!
Looks like they fit to me! Unless they’re secretly unzipped in the front, I don’t know what you’re talking about. The only thing that’s bad about low rises is when they’re all you where, every single day.
Guys guys guys! That isn’t me wearing the Dior Homme jeans…that’s just me in normal jeans at my house!
Lady Juliane: Oh how I yearn for less of an arse….
A: Will look those up…
If it’s any consolation to you, Susie, the picture looks great. My own arse would never hold up to that level of scrutiny…which is why I’m more of a skirtgirl and can only be seen out and about in one pair of black jeans even if I actually own seven.
dis post i can completely relate to as a black woman it is so hard to find jeans that actually fit u in all da right areas. i am sorry u didnt get da jeans as u wanted dem but try asking most black women n dey will tell u how hard it iz 4 dem to get da right jeans dey want.
Dear Susie.
First of all… you are trying to fit into guys jeans! Think about it, your ass is not big is normal.. guys like curves.
Anyways, could you please tell me what the smallest DH jean size is?
Thank you!
Susie, if you do pick up the Notify jeans, grab a size smaller than you usually would.
The folks over at the fashion spot seem to think highly of the superfine waxed jeans also, though I haven’t any personal experience with them. I am a mostly raw denim sort of girl (the few times I actually wear jeans), but I’ve been on the hunt for a good pair of waxed jeans. The Notify’s would have been it, if not for the fact that the only size I could find was one too big!
The problem I have is large flat ass syndrome. I mean I do a hundred squats a day and it’s still just…large. That’s quite a problem as I have quite short muscley legs and tight skinnies can look quite strange. I looks all over for jeans that don’t make me look like a steroid-addicted wrestler with a droopy arse. I understand your pain, although those jeans look excellent on your bum, Dior Homme should pay you for advertising for them.
i have a mount everest arse too (wow, “ass” really doesn’t cut it). i take a 24 usually and i was buying jeans the other day and tried on j brands, and my arse got in the way of pulling them on. thigh, calves, hip, etc. were all fine. i’m petite everywhere else, but i think sitting at my desk all day in the office has made the arse ginormous.
just wondering, since susie you normally take a 26, did the 28 dior hommes fit right around the waist? i’d imagine they were 2 inches too big. i’ve been dreaming of dior homme pants but i’ve never seen them stocked in nyc with smaller than 30w.