Ok, you can officially write me off as a complete lunatic as I participated in ….(be prepared to laugh hysterically)…. SPEED DATING tonight. In my defense, I was only there to make up the numbers as a favour to a friend and plus I thought it would be kind of fun seeing as I have no trouble chatting away to strangers for work. After talking to 18 guys for 3 minutes each, I came away dignified, happy and actually quite taken with a certain few! As I was walking home discussing the night with my friend who dragged me there, we got talking about how the way you dress affects how other people see you, a subject which we often delve into! My friend, being quite the chic pencil skirt wearing, form fitting clotheshorse that she is, carefully suggested that perhaps I should have worn something a bit more…*ahem* appealing to guys? She did not mean it as an insult in any way whatsoever, and it’s not something that I haven’t heard before. I am only too aware that some guys are put off by girls who take fashion very seriously and before you cry out in protest, I can even in fact see their point of view. Logistically, these guys might perceive the following:
1) You are clearly obsessed with shopping and lead a vapid life running up hugh credit card bills. If you were to be their girlfriend, could you be inflicting your spending habits on to them as well??
2) Fashionistas are haughty creatures, and guys could be thinking they are too-cool-for school let alone them, and all this added to guys’ own insecurities, looking too good can be seen as somewhat threatening and frightening.
3) They just don’t understand fashion itself. Dressing outlandishly and creatively may score points with fellow female fashion luvvies but with the majority of guys, the length of skirt, the bustline of a top and the tautness of clothing are all they need to know.
I’m aware few of us conform to these perceptions but we can’t ignore the fact they exist either. Perhaps, I could attract all sorts of dates with a tighter/more easy on the eye ensemble or conservative style consistency but I would be betraying my self and my style.
Now, I was sort of going for cute/fun/summer casual today with a Sara Berman bow top, a vintage wrap seersucker skirt and some Salvatore Ferragamo bow pumps. It was for me, a pretty uncomplicated easy breezy summer outfit. Yet a lot of the other girls went for very ultra girly or ultra sexy – floral tea dresses or tight tight pencil skirts. I didn’t feel particularly fashion-forward nor did I think my outfit was outlandish in any way but I still managed to stick out like a sore thumb. I got commented on for being very ‘different’ (for ‘different’, please read ‘freak’, ‘saddo’, ‘crazy’) twice and as I told them I was into fashion and shopping, a bemused expression popped up.
Conclusion? People may comment or make suggestions but unfortunately words may never break my wardrobe. I could never compromise or change my style to suit people’s tastes. However, nights like these are always food for thought. Something to bear in mind and perhaps reassure the opposite sex and put their fears and look-down-on-fashion smirks to one side.
I think your outfit is cute and not at all ‘different’! Anyway you live in London right? I thought fashion over there IS over top. I don’t mean to over generalize…that’s just an observation.
I definately agree with what you are saying, it relates to that little Elle article I think you posted before. I love the outfit but I can see how men find it hard to appreciate! The important thing is not to comprimise…
It’s out there. Men who understand and appreciate fashion I mean. Mine is straight. He loves to be my fashion consultant. He often comments that what’s sexy about my outfit is that I like to have fun with fashion. See? Don’t settled for collar poppin smelly boys. Do you think the fact that mine’s from Tokyo helps? Maybe speed dating there would be more fashion forward? By the way thanks for making me smile during the stressful workday…don’t go changin!
I love your attitude in all this. I consider being “different” and a “freak” as compliments. Why wouldn’t you want to stand out? And why wouldn’t you want to be with a guy who loves that you are not like everyone else? I’ve always felt that it’s not the clothes that make someone sexy, it’s the person wearing the clothes that makes her sexy. And I think you’d want someone who can see that.
I really don’t see how your outfit is ‘different’. There are outfits that are way more experimental than that.
And I would NEVER dress a certain way for a guy!
i think a lot of clothes are more about sex than fashion or style.
summer in london is an assault on the senses.
i wish there were more people who were interested in playing and experimenting with clothes, instead of coyly trying to see just how short is too short and (just barely) keeping under wraps the size, shape and colour of their nipples.
and truely, who wants to attract someone who is chiefly concerned with one’s physical attributes? there are lots of fellows who are attracted to an innovative stylish woman, but they won’t be the ones wolf whistling you.
Jess: Exactly what I was thinking! On the scale of 1 to 10 in ‘different’ looking outfits, I think this one rates about a minus 1.
I too would never compromise but it does niggle at my brain at times like these but I still hold out hope that somewhere out there, someone is willing to take a chance on ‘different’ and ‘unique’. (Not that I am assuming I am those things but if that’s how people like to be perceive me, so be it…)
By the way….. you guys made some awesome comments. *Claps* for excellent blog interaction!
I love your ensemble…shows you are playful and fun and don’t take yourself overly seriously…all good traits to look for in dating…so screw ’em I say!
hm…i think a lot of japanese guys will really like your style…but then again..japanese guys are hard to get along as a bf!!
GAH~! I just had an argument.. no a ‘heated discussion’ with my boyfriend today trying to get him to see my point on the same matter~!
this is an amazing post! i think you really tapped into something and the obersvations you make are incredable! everything you say is dead on; you really explore the impact of fashion and fashion forwardness in real life which is something that interests me greatly
I love your little “list” because it reminds me of a conversation i had with a guy the other day who, upon hearing that i was obessed with fasion said to me, “the way i see it, there’s two types of people who are into fashion- there’s people who want to model and then there’s people who want to design” showing a completely mutted perspective, which i think you touched upon amazingly!
Bravo on an truly outstanding post, a great read!
I can relate to this completely. I think this kind of view is expressed everywhere. Men who aren’t stylish themselves can sometimes appreciate a girl’s unique sense of style, and other times they just don’t get it. But who needs those guys anyway? Susie, you’ll find an amazingly hip boy who’ll knock your footless tights off someday. That’s what I’m waiting for 😉 That way when we’re old and unattractive we’ll still be friggin’ chic.