I’m just about emerging out of a hallucinatory haze, comprising the tail end of what seemed like a never ending pregnancy, a shockingly speedy labour that then segued into a shocking amount of blood loss and then two solid months (feeling like two years) of falling in love with this new being in my life and having my heart stabbed every time she cries. And then all the while, the fashions have been going on in New York, London, Milan and Paris and I wasn’t there for the first time in about seven years. Colleagues and cohorts have said I haven’t missed much but I think they’re just trying to make me feel better.
It’s not however necessarily the fashion that I have missed but the feeling of doing something with my brain, unclouded by feeding times, nap times, more feeding times and the occasional time when her eyes are awake, looking at you in that way that makes you feel like an awful human being for even thinking about wanting to do anything BUT look after her. I’ve barely written a thing. I’ve not read anything longer than a five hundred word online article (or more precisely a few panicked sentences in a baby forum that never seems to answer the question that I’m asking at 4am in the morning). Venturing outside and breathing physical fresh air has mostly ended with my rushing back inside the house, clutching an Amazon Prime parcel or a bouquet of flowers (thanks friends, family and fashion peeps for filling our house with all that flora).
That haze is slowly clearing up though and with Nico Hiu Nei (pronounced Lei if you speak Cantonese) Salter-Lau registered and writ real into the world, I’m also beginning to think about integrating my daughter (I’m still trying that word on for size… ) into life, rather than making life revolve around her. That could also be fighting talk that decrescendos into me staying in a nursing bra and bobbly overwashed leggings for the next week.
Still, the haze did produce something to kickstart the blog with, after the looooong hiatus. Namely, a variety of shades of a colour that automatically accompanies and heralds the birth of a baby girl. Thankfully, the range of pinks I’ve been receiving have been of the nuanced kind. And they’re also things that don’t just revolve around saccharine baby gifts. I’ve also been feeding my sleep addled brain – online and in person – with images that are incidentally along that colour register. On film Natalie Portman standing in the White House in a blood-splattered pink Chanel suit in Pablo Larrain’s Jackie, Naomie Harris staring down the camera with a menacing neon pink light behind her and Matty Bovan’s pink hued fashion film Girlness have been on my mind. Wolfgang Tillmans’ skyscapes and crustacea and Ren Hang’s visceral poeticism and Maisie Cousins’ sexually charged fruits and flowers are also floating around in the noggin somewhere. There’s little coherence below other than the shared colour palette but that’s par for course when you’re going through the postpartum pink haze.
Lina Scheynius image from “09”
Wolfgang Tillmans, Astro Crusto, 2012
Wolfgang Tillmans, From the Skies, 2015
Anna Barlow ceramic ice-cream tiles
Ren Hang photography
Naomie Harris in Moonlight
Natalie Portman in Jackie
Fiorucci bomber jacket
James Springall collage